It’s an Aussie phrase, but I feel like ‘tall poppy syndrome’ must have some roots in Britain. It seems more rife here than ever. If you’ve never heard it before, it’s that British self-sabotaging cultural attitude that nobody should be successful or wealthy, and if they are, they need to be cut down. I think it stems from some sort of modesty. But god it’s bleak isn’t it?
What does this have to do with burgers? Well, it’s specifically about chains. What is a chain restaurant? Why are they so generally frowned upon? When does an independent restaurant become part of a chain?
Fat Hippo — I last posted about in 2013, which feels a long, long time ago. I’ve been a smattering of times since then. At that point, I think there were two. Now there’s thirteen, and the brand planned for 23 at one point. I think you can safely call that a chain now.
So why do people hate on chains? That familiar blandness? That tangible moment when the sliding scale of ‘quality vs. profits’ tends to drift towards the latter? Flat out snobbery? I can be guilty of that last one, I know.
In 2013, there wasn’t a great burger restaurant in any given town. Contrary to ‘tall poppy syndrome’, I wanted Fat Hippo to do well way back then. It’s a local story of a boy done good. And financially, this business seems to be doing good.
And that’s where going big, sadly, can often be shorthand for ‘going shit’.
I had a craving for a burger and Fat Hippo has just launched its biggest menu change ever, so why not. I thought it’d be interesting to see how they’ve evolved vs. 2013 (some of the pics then look dire in a somewhat lovable amateur-ish way). I expected refined, process-driven, made-to-look-good-on-social burgers. Sure they might be blasting them out, but the standard would be repeatable, consistent, accurate.
Sadly, 2024’s word of the year ‘enshittification’ has taken hold here. But that’s what chains do, isn’t it?
In 2013 Fat Hippo was in the Champions League of Newcastle burgers. With less competition, it could at least make a claim to ‘the best burgers in Newcastle’. In 2026, these meat pucks are now playing in EFL League Two.
I popped in for Hippo Hour: starter, burger, side, £15. Corn ribs are so inoffensively meh. Wet, overly sweet niblets of corn. My mind went to Burts’ genuinely bloody brilliant version. These are not the same, in any way.
Freddie’s Fingers were the best thing I had tonight. Fresh-fried, hot, mostly just tasting of grease but crucially not overcooked. In 2013, these woulda been ace. Today, they’re a silver lining.
For the main event, the headline was that patties are now 5oz singles (142g in modern money), and with Fat Hippo you’re going for stacks of toppings.
Barring a decent bun, this was just so utterly ‘meh’. It really disappointed me. Aged beef? Can’t taste it, and my patty was literally grey. Maybe you’re ‘meant’ to double up. It wasn’t even overly salty, or greasy. Lost in the bun. I would hazard a guess that anyone could make as good a burger at home. Is that it?
To cap it off, my fries were soggy AF too. And everything arrived to table in less than five minutes, which says something for the care that went into it. Again, that’s what chains do, isn’t it?
I haven’t had what I’d call a bad meal in a while, I do my best to avoid them but this left me a bit angry. ‘Not worth the calories’ was my overwhelming thought.
Go have a Burts. Or Patty Melts. Or even Meat:Stack makes a lot of burgers nowadays and remains deeply satisfying. They’re all about the same price. This standard just does not cut it.
From Edinburgh to, shockingly, London, you’ll now find a Fat Hippo in your city. Wild growth. And for that, good on them. But it serves to reinforce that when you grow, something has to give, and here, well apart from some pleasant and speedy service, it feels like what gives is everything else.
Can a place grow 13x without this happening? I genuinely don’t think it can. I used to love Wahaca, but since private equity came along, it has entered Blandsville (Fat Hippo btw, is still privately owned). So why do people love chains? The same reason they love Ed Sheeran, Love Island, and Starbucks, perhaps. Some sort of accessibility, and relatability (and they’re suckers for marketing — which Fat Hippo does quite a good job of).
Equally, I could have said Fat Hippo is the Coldplay of burgers. People (me) can dislike it, but it still takes some skill to write a catchy tune. Or run a 13-site operation turning over millions. And, it’s 26 years old, but listen to Parachutes — still a banger.
So — is wanting places to ‘stay small’ fair on the people grafting to operate them? In this case, success isn’t bad for business, at all. But it’s categorically been bad for the burgers. Tall poppy syndrome, much maligned, sometimes has a point.
Contact: fathippo.co.uk
Address: 2-6 Shakespeare St, NE1 6AQ
Opening: Every day, 11:30-22:00
