There are many things that can make a restaurant appeal to me.
There are just as many things that can have the opposite effect. I’m thinking: aesthetic gimmickry. Stealthy upselling. Million-item menus. Dishes designed for social media. ‘Experience’ restaurants that amount to eating banquet-quality food in a cold plastic igloo on the Quayside. You know the one.
Among the things on the other side of the scale — quality, local ingredients. Not too much faffing on. An all-too-rare comfy seat. A functioning website with a menu, opening hours, basic contact details. That last one… I know it’s a tough time for the industry. But christ, please just have a website. Communicate with customers. It’s not hard, or expensive.
What trumps all of these though, as any Brit abroad can attest to, is the sunshine.
It’s not always that easy in the UK, no. But there’s just something about Kafeneon in the summer that keeps me coming back.
Of all the places, it’s right in the heart of the Bigg Market. But when the sun is shining, that mid-July heatwave hits. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than this faux-Greek Taverna. Faux in terms of location, btw. It’s not on a harbour, with lapping waves, fresh fish and octopus line-caught by some old dude, no. But owner (since 2019 at least) Dan has invested in the Grade II listed Sunlight Chambers, and it’s become a beloved spot at the heart of the city.
Kafeneon has, remarkably, been around since 1998, in some form or another. Twenty-something years is an age in hospitality. Though researching this, I just learned The Old George is 16th-century, so it’s got a few hundred years to go. Still, an amazing stint for any restaurant.
In case you couldn’t tell already, yes I’m a summer baby and yes I’m happier in the sun than the dreary grey of October–April. But even when the last of the outside tables have migrated inside until spring, Kafeneon can delight. It’s my recommendation for those looking for a break from Nando’s — marinated and grilled proteins, with carbs and dips on the side. Isn’t that all any British person ever wants? (And some sun).
For first timers, it’s imperative that you get souvlaki — there isn’t a better one in Newcastle. Lemon juice, oregano, garlic. Grilled, on some bread. Home-style chips.
I’ve criticised what is essentially ‘chicken and chips’ at other restaurants before, but this is textbook, and likely evokes memories of blue and white holidays. That supple bread just pleads ‘one more bit’. Big glob of tzatziki. And some simple salad with oregano. If you were ordering any of it by itself you might think it’s a bit naff, but together it just works.
Other than that, get the meze platters — meat and veg. These are a lot of food, made for sharing, and you get to enjoy the greatest hits compilation of Kafeneon. Head first for the thick pastisio. It’s good enough to make you think lasagne is barely the second-best layered minced meat dish out here. Similar-but-different, the moussaka has this thick and creamy béchamel. I’m also a fan of the stuffed peppers, and the beef stifado. Feta on everything, naturally. Between these, you’ve covered the best bits of the menu. You need look no further.
Drinks-wise, half of the wines are Greek, or smash a few Mythos if it’s sunny. The service is efficient, you can be in and out in a short period of time, or linger and see if you can do in some baklava afters. You can’t. I think last time we had two courses and two drinks for under £40. The early menu is still, after all these years, a steal (2c for £15.95).
Some other things I’d order — anything pictured here. More bread and more dips (hummus, tirokafteri), and spanakopita. The gigantes & loukaniko (butter beans & Greek sausage) makes me happy even when the sun is beating down and the stew makes you sweat.
Kafeneon really bucks the trend in Newcastle. It’s found a core menu, it doesn’t deviate much from it, and for years it’s super been consistent. There’s no frills here — but whether the sun is shining or not, Kafeneon makes food that you want to eat, time and time again. And for that, I hope it’s around for another 27 years, giving hospitality to the people of Newcastle. Yamas 🙏🏼
Contact: kafeneon.co.uk
Address: 8 Bigg Market, NE1 1UW
