Trentaquattro years of 🍝
Uno’s Trattoria (18 Sandhill, Newcastle, NE1 3AF) might be the OG of cheap Italian in Newcastle.
It’s as much a part of the Quayside as the kittiwake shite on the Tyne Bridge, or watching the match at Akenside Traders. I can’t imagine many locals haven’t been at some point in the past three decades. Be it a work gathering, and taking the bigger room at the back. Or a Lady & the Tramp-eque first date. A quick catch-up with friends. It’s an institution that has been here since 1989 which puts it among a few of Newcastle’s longstanding restaurants – Sachins, Blackfriars(ish), Mamma Mia(?).
You know what to expect, it’s a ‘cheap Italians’. Except it is not so cheap any more is it, nothing is.
There’s a happy hour, of course. Thanks to the economy, it’s now a not-so-cheery £10.50. This, obviously, is what you want. Seeing as St. Vincent did me a plate of handmade orecchiette with wild boar ragu for £15 recently and it was one of the best things I’ve eaten in years. Tough market out there.
You know the menu before you’ve even looked at it. Soup, mushrooms, and the quintessential potato skins are all present. Potato skins are just a bit of a grim, non-food aren’t they? Why do I keep going back for them? There are whitebait, bruschetta (of sorts – see above), prawns. The wheel has not been reinvented.
But you’re here for pasta, aren’t you. It’s overly familiar — carbonara with cream, lots of chicken pieces, mushrooms where they shouldn’t be, mozzarella and parmesan on everything, comically sized pepper grinder. You know the drill.
The go-to bolognese is as rich and sticky as you want it. And you get loads. Like Indian restaurants with awful undressed salads, or Chinese restaurants that gloop everything with too much cornstarch, the ‘just can’t help it’ at Uno’s is the pea shoots. I don’t want them on most things, never mind upsetting the soft stodge of my ragu.
That said, pea shoots are about as far as it goes when it comes to razzmatazz at Uno’s. Despite the countless photos of celeb visits on the wall from the likes of (I imagine) John Beresford, Pam Royle, and Ant and/or Dec, there’s no attempt at overt showiness. Think less Padella, and more Pinnochio’s. Though the latter’s homemade pasta is nowhere to be seen here, unfortunately.
In its pizza guise, the bolognese is outright dirty. The pizzas more generally aren’t anything to write home about though, suffering that usual infliction of just being dry bread + tasteless mozz + stuff. Maybe when there weren’t a dozen Neapolitan restaurants in town these were a more appealing option but nowadays, it’s empty carbs, But add some bolognese, and you’re just not in Kansas anymore. It’s as British and offensively brilliant as Chicken Tikka Masala.
But if you look hard, there’s something akin to quality to be found. This seafood risotto was a bit loose to bestow itself the title of a risotto, but it was pleasant. Most importantly had a fair abundance of prawns and scallops — which weren’t even overcooked. Some risotto can be flat after the first bite but this kept hold of my attention with a good wallop of citrus too. Was on the specials but as part of the lunch menu.
Service is very much ‘depends on the night’; sometimes chaotic and brisk, other times old-school and charming in that way that you expect from a long-running gaff. Drinks-wise, it’s by the book. There’s lager lager lager, and though the house wine is cheap, the last time we visited, it tasted it as well.
What you’ll get out of Uno’s is, much like anything else, highly dependent on your expectations. If you’re looking for authenticity, you won’t find it. If you’re looking for something a bit different, or something for social media, you won’t find it.
But Uno’s is far from a bad restaurant, and its thirty years in the game is testament to that. Will it weather the next thirty? I’m not so sure, unless it wants to evolve and grow as Newcastle’s restaurants grow up so quickly. On the face of it, Uno’s has no USP, no raison d’être, no right to have lasted so long.
But what brings me back every so often with a reasonably regular cadence is the age-old trade of twenty quid for a couple of hours of consistent carbs, a cosy Quayside restaurant, and not having to do the dishes, which, isn’t that what it’s all about?
Contact: unosrestaurant.co.uk
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